Boy starts San Diego Fires

According to police, a boy has confessed to starting the fires in San Diego, which have destroyed homes, businesses and lives over the past 10 days. CNN.com reports that the boy admitted playing with matches and eventually starting a fire in the same area where the San Diego fires began.

What a bummer to be this kid, eh? When my uncles were young they did something similar. They were striking matches in the woods near their home, then they would see who could stamp them out the fastest. They ended up starting a huge fire and burning down a good chunk of the woods before it was contained. Of course it was nothing like the 38,526 this kid is responsible for, not to mention the lives he’s cost and havc he’s brought.

My uncles got a good old fashioned beating. I’m not sure what this kid will get. The article leads us to believe there will possibly be charges brought against him. I could put myself in his place, and, depending on his age, I’d feel extremely confused, embarrassed and sorry for my stupid actions. While he is a kid and it’s completely his fault, one wonders if the parents were very strict on the “don’t be a pyromaniac” message. I went through the same phase when I was younger. I used to constantly be playing with matches, lighters, blowtorches, etc. Anything flame-related that I could get my hands on. I never burned myself too badly, but I did cause a few insects and amphibians quite a bit of agony.

I’m sure when he grows up he’ll be able to wrap his head around what he did. Hell it might send him into a depressive state, then cause him to become a philanthropist and active in community service and volunteer for housing projects. I guess that’s best scenario. The worst would be that he did it on purpose and he continues to do it. He could play it innocent until it happens one time too many, then some savvy lawyer would get on the case and crack his warped brain. Then finally, the kid will slip up and admit that he’s really the Bic Lighter Killer! Then they could make a movie in 15 years or so and call it Pyro Fear. Where do I come up with this stuff? Genius.

Here’s a movie poster I mocked up. Took me about 4 hours, especially drawing Richard Gere in there.

Office Shenanigans: Douchebag Alert *Updated*

During my normal busy day today there was a rather large eruption of laughter at the cubicle farm across from my cubicle farm. I trekked over the rows to see what was up, and at first I could make no sense of what one of my female coworkers was laughing about in an e-mail sent to her. Apparently I had walked in on the end result of a brief chain of e-mails that ended in hilarity.

Eager to find out what the root of the issue was, I asked her to forward me the chain, and what followed was indeed hilarious. A friend of my coworker is on Match.com and she had “winked” at a guy she’d seen on the site. He responded with the following:

I live in a 31 story high rise condominium, right in the middle of the Buckhead nightlife district. Do you ever come to this area of town to shop/go out/visit/explore?

I went to an Ivy League school – the University of Pennsylvania – for my undergraduate degree in economics and my graduate degree in management (Wharton School of Business). Where did you go to school?

What activities do you currently participate in to stay in shape? I work out 4 times a week at LA Fitness. Do you exercise regularly? I am 6 feet tall, 185 pounds – what about yourself? I am truly sorry if that sounds rude, impolite or even downright crass, but I have been deceived before by inaccurate representations so I prefer someone be upfront and honest on initial contact…

I do mergers & acquisitions (corporate finance) for Limited Brands (Bath & Body Works, Victoria’s Secret, etc). Enjoy any of our stores/divisions?

Do you have any other recent pictures you care to share? I have many others if you care to see them.

Regards,

John (name withheld)

Slightly pompous, but this is a dating website, so he’s giving her a lot of information about himself, which is understandable. However, I can’t help but hear how arrogant this guy is, especially at first contact. The little details about his life are unnecessary: high-rise condo, Ivy League, masters degree, workout schedule. This stuff is completely unnecessary except to say that he thinks very highly of himself, and he thinks that’s how you snag a girl. On the internet.

So the girl, after reading this, decides maybe he isn’t really a good match for her. She sends a default “no thanks” response, which reads:

Thanks for writing to me, but unfortunately, we’re just not a good match. Good luck in your search!Our Portraits didn’t match on:

• Personality

The beauty of the internet dating world is that you can sit behind your computer after a rejection and not deal with the humiliation. She’s certainly moved on; she might mention it to her mother or her friends over lunch, but she isn’t going to see him ever, and he’ll never have to deal with her rejection of him face to face. He’s already ahead. But then he replies, and this is where his arrogance erupts:

I think you forgot how this works. You hit on me, and therefore have to impress ME and pass MY criteria and standards – not vice versa. 6 pictures of just your head and your inability to answer a simple question lets me know one thing. You are not in shape. I am a trainer on the side, in fact, I am heading to the gym in 26 minutes!

So next time you meet a guy of my caliber, instead of trying to turn it around, just get to the gym! I will even give you one free training session, so you don’t blow it with the next 8.9 on Hot or Not, Ivy League grad, Mensa member, can bench/squat/leg press over 1200 lbs., has had lunch with the secretary of defense, has an MBA from the top school in the country, lives in a Buckhead high rise, drives a Beemer convertible, has been in 14 major motion pictures, was in Jezebel’s Best dressed, etc. Oh, that is right, there aren’t any more of those!

Regards,

John

http://www.johnfitzgeraldpage.com

I honestly don’t know where to begin. This guy’s insecurity is the equivalent of 13 atom bombs. He’s assuming the female was a fatty just because she didn’t want to talk to him. That’s class. And he’s also suddenly a personal trainer. Whatev.

Then he goes into a tirade of self promotion. This is belligerent bragging at its best. Let me translate what his last paragraph really means:

8.9 on Hot or Not, Ivy League grad, Mensa member

Translation: 8.9 on Hot or Not (that part is probably the only true statement; this douche is actually on HotorNot.com), served lunch at an Ivy League Cafeteria, Mensa member (Men Entertaining the Notion of Same-Sex Asshole).

has had lunch with the secretary of defense

Has had lunch in the same state as the Secretary of Defense.

drives a Beemer convertible, has been in 14 major motion pictures,

Drives a 1980 BMW. Missing the top. He has been in a few major motion pictures, there’s screenshots on his website. He is a motion blur in most of them.

So you might think thats where the story ends. But it continues for one brief moment, without his knowledge. Another coworker of mine is quite the internet genius. He did a little detective work on Mr. Page.

He used to have an Ohio number, (614) 846-XXXX, but it has been disconnected; this is where Limited Brands is based out of; called their corporate offices and he’s not in their company directory…BIG Mergers & Acquisition guy I’m guessing…

Gets into his movies by trolling newsgroups for movie set screening passes; 12 of the 13 movies he’s been in he’s “Uncredited”, meaning “Not Worth Mentioning” (Link to IMDB Profile)
Mr. Successful lives in an apartment converted condo in a 20+ year old midrise, mostly rentals because people can’t get out of them.

Another interesting one is I get the following error when searching the Wharton School of Business’ Alumni Directory:

“Your name could not be found in our list of alumni” Tried 3 variations of his first name combined with his last, no results.

So this ends our story. Granted he’s an insecure guy. So insecure that he over exaggerates achievements. “Actor,” “masters degree,” “mergers & acquisitions rep.” Ladies of Atlanta, watch out. This guy is definitely on the prowl. Rawr!

*Update*

This morning on local radio station Q100 they read the email exchange over the air. Now all of Atlanta knows there’s a king douche out there somewhere, flexing his muscles for the ladies. Someone (me) called in and told the Bert Show about all the falsified info in his e-mails. Good thing our legal system is in tact!

*Update 2*

Apparently my pity for his personal information has been overlooked at Gawker.com. They have posted the same info as myself (albeit two hours after my post, thieves), minus all the backtrack info, but left his identity in tact. You’re famous John Fitzgerald Page!

China, Starbucks Will Destroy the US via Toys

 

At least three times in the past month I’ve heard and read about Chinese toys being recalled because of lead paint and small parts.  Back in early August the initial spark was set when China recalled about 1.5 million Fisher-Price toys due to a lead paint hazard.  Two weeks later Mattel announced they were recalling 9 million Chinese-made toys for the same reason, in addition to ingestible magnets.  Eventually the number jumped to 20 million.
And yesterday Starbucks announced they were recalling 250,000 Chinese-made plastic cups for children.  The cups, if dropped, shatter into smaller parts which are ingestible by children.  And they’re sharp pieces of plastic.

I see the real issue here.   It sounds like that American news spin is being put on these stories to make it look like it’s China’s fault,  and I want those reporters to know I can see through their lies.  The real issue is that Mattel and Fisher-Price are trying to poison America’s children with lead paint, while Starbucks is trying to expand their empire by getting kids addicted to coffee at such a young age.

Do we really need more Starbuck-mania?  Ten years ago words like “latte” and “frappucino” did not commonly exist in our vocabularies.  Now we get to swallow the stuff every day.  Soon your elementary school children will be begging you to stop by the drive in on the way to school so they can get that quick caffeine fix before first grade today.

Are the Chinese trying to hurt us?  I doubt it.  They regularly use lead paint in their daily activities; that’s why they can dive so deep underwater.  Mattel, Fisher-Price and especially Starbucks are the real villains here.  Their oversight has almost cost us an entire generation of Barbie lovers and GI Joe fanatics.  And they nearly continued the spread of the coffee disease and lounge hippies.  This madness has got to stop.

New Radiohead Album: Pay What You Want

 

 

 

Radiohead, my absolute favorite band, are trying a new concept with their next album “In Rainbows.” You can order their album, starting October 10, from their website. The new part? You can choose to pay whatever you feel you should contribute directly to the artist. You can contribute $100 or $1. I believe there is a minimum of $1 due to the partnership with the online company they are “selling” the album through. So they can at least get $1 per record sold, which would likely be in the millions; possibly tens of millions if everyone decides to pay $1.

Apparently they are no longer under contract with a record company, which means the RIAA can’t receive their cut from the purchased songs. Rebellion from the RIAA is a common act lately, as bands like Nine Inch Nails, who has just recently fulfilled their contract with Interscope Records, have taken clever measures to distribute their music to the public without the influence or interference of the RIAA.

There is definitely a new front on the distribution of music to the fans. Many refuse to purchase music that is represented by big businesses solely because they despise big corporations who get rich off of artists and sue fans into homelessness. I myself will be pumped to get my hands on the new Radiohead album, though I’m still trying to hash it out with my brain how much I should throw down for it. Any thoughts?

New Toy

Thanks to the generous gifts of mine and Kristin’s coworkers, Kristin and I were able to purchase our first selfish gift for our upcoming wedding.  Observe:

So yeah, we were able to get this amazing digital camcorder.  I’ve spent the past 4 hours or so playing around with it, figuring out all the bells, making movies of myself walking around the apartment.  Y’know, like the puke camera in Requiem for a Dream.  Just in time for our honeymoon, which is a cruise to Jamaica.  There will be plenty of videos of…the ocean and Jamaicans.  Suggestions other than pr0n are welcome, I’m looking into becoming somewhat of an amateur filmmaker.  Right.